Step 5: Assign Anxiety Ratings and Order the Activities
After generating your list of possible steps, it is time to form them into your mission plan by assigning anxiety ratings and placing them in order of difficulty (i.e., from easiest/least scary to hardest/scariest). This is Steps 4 and 5 in your child's manual. Even if you have done most of the steps leading up this part without your child, it is important to get their input when putting the mission plan steps in order. This ensures that your mission plan steps span the anxiety scale and that no two are too far apart. It can be helpful to transfer your possible activities onto post-its, notecards, or small slips of paper for this process, so they are easy to move around as you develop your mission plan. Also know that it is okay if you eliminate some activities during this process.
It can be difficult for young children to accurately report their level of anxiety for a given situation – especially if they have to guess without actually being in the situation! If your child has been able to use the anxiety scale to accurately report their level of anxiety associated with specific fears, have them rate each mission plan step using the anxiety scale and then place them in order accordingly. If your child has had some trouble using the anxiety scale, consider the following options for involving them in the ordering process:
- Simplify the anxiety scale and language you are using to get your child’s input. For example, we have suggested using “easy,” “medium,” and “hard” as an alternative. No matter how your child communicates fear or anxiety with you, use terms your child uses.
- If you are still having a hard time successfully involving your child in the ordering process, first transfer your possible steps onto slips of paper and place them in an order you guess to start. Then, with your child, hold up the first two, read them out loud and ask, “which one would be harder, this one or this one?” Adjust the order as necessary based on their response and repeat the process with the other activities.
As you are ordering the mission steps with your child, you might find out that some of the activities you came up with are not actually scary for your child or that you have four steps that all represent the same level on the anxiety scale. That’s okay! When things are less scary than you or your child expect, it can be a pleasant surprise and still counts as mission step practice. It is also okay if you have lots of different ideas at the same level on the anxiety scale. Changing up how you face a fear will help your child learn! Lastly, know that is it completely okay to eliminate some steps during this process based on this information.
Once you have worked with your child to put the mission plan steps in order of difficulty, reflect on the entire mission plan and ensure no two consecutive steps have too big of a jump. Also, make sure the first step of your mission plan is something you are able to try today or tomorrow. The first steps should be pretty easy for your child – it is important to experience success at the beginning while learning the mission plan process. This will give them confidence in their ability to tackle subsequent, harder steps!
| Step | Anxiety Rating 0-10 OR Easy - Medium - Hard |
|---|---|
| Neil is in a dark room with his mom for 2 minutes (during the day). | 1 |
| Neil is in a dark room with his mom for 2 minutes (at night). | 2 |
| Neil is by himself in a room with his nightlight on for 2-3 minutes (during the day). | 3 |
| Neil is by himself in a room with his nightlight on for 2-3 minutes (at night). | 5 |
| Neil will stay in bed for 10 minutes with his mom sitting in a chair outside his room that he can see from his bed. If he does not fall asleep in that time, his mom will return to his bedside (like usual). His nightlight is on. | 7 |
| Neil will stay in bed for 10 minutes with his mom sitting in a chair outside his room that he cannot see. If he does not fall asleep in that time, his mom will move the chair where it is visible. Nightlight on. | 8 |
| Neil will stay in bed for 10 minutes with his mom in a different part of the house. If he does not fall asleep in that time, his mom will move closer to his room. His nightlight is on. | 9 |
| Step | Anxiety Rating 0-10 OR Easy - Medium - Hard |
|---|---|
| Sally asks her good friend Joana to borrow a pencil | 2 |
| Sally asks her classmate, Rita, who she does not know well, to borrow a pencil | 3 |
| Sally sits next to Rita during lunch | 4 |
| Sally texts Rita a funny meme | 5 |
| Sally makes friendly chat with Rita during breaks | 6 |
| Sally asks Rita if she wants to meet at the mall to hang out | 7 |
| Sally asks Rita if she wants to come over to her house to watch a movie together | 7 |
| Sally invites Rita for a sleepover | 8 |
| Sally joins the rest of Rita's friends during lunch and makes conversation with the group | 10 |
As you can see, the number of steps will vary based on the individual child and the specific fear you are developing a mission plan for. Neil and Sally’s mission plans provide good examples of how you can manipulate steps to span the anxiety scale. We can also plan different mission plans targeting different behaviors – once Neil is able to sleep away from his mom, they could then develop a mission plan to reduce the amount of light he needs to sleep.
Once you start getting used to doing mission plans, feel free to get more creative and adjust your goals/steps as you go along. You do not need to follow a mission plan perfectly in order; in fact, you should feel free to make changes as you learn about how your child faces their fears. If changing a goal, jumping around to different steps, or going back to a previous step will help your child reach their goal and they feel ready, go for it! Changing it up can help your child overcome their fears in a wider range of situations.