May 2004
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A Matter of Health
Mothers all
The day someone hands you a little bundle of squirming humanity and you hold it close is one you will never forget. You are a mother.
There is joy. The love is overpowering, but it is just slightly stronger than the feeling of terror. That little bundle is yours. No one is going to take it home when it gets dirty, hungry, sleepy or fussy. No one is going to take over during the long dark hours of crying. If something goes wrong, the final responsibility is yours. You will have to deal with it. That baby is yours, and you have to do the best you can.
The luckiest new moms have mothers on whom they can model their behavior, even if it is done unconsciously. Sometimes, this happens even though you always said you would not do what your mother did. The eeriest sound in the world is your mother’s voice issuing from your mouth.
In my career, I have been privileged to know some of the best. I admired the mothers who never lost heart when their children were sickest, the mothers who opened their hearts to other children while their own were desperately ill, mothers who fought like tigers for their children’s health and right to a normal life, mothers whose own health problems made their very motherhood a miracle, mothers whose devotion made you want to do the best by your own children.
Some of those I remember:
• The liver transplant survivor who gave birth to her own son not
long after her transplant. She became a spokesperson for transplants while
she demonstrated vividly that life gained through a new organ was meant
to be lived.
• The mother who supported her son with AIDS through his disease
– the depression, the anger, the rebellion and the acceptance. In
the end, all she could do was sit and hold her grown son’s hand
while he died, but she did it with honor and dignity.
• The woman whose son was born with a diaphragmatic hernia. Without
a diaphragm, his developing body had no divider between his abdominal
organs and his heart and lungs. Despite the numerous problems, she fought
to bring her son home from the hospital and keep him there as part of
her family.
• The three heroines who described to me the births of their children
with anencephaly, a condition in which the baby’s brain never develops,
are part of my memories. Instead of extending their children’s existence,
they elected to make their few days as meaningful and love-filled as possible.
• The woman whose son had a fatal tumor but whose heart was big
enough to provide support to the child who was her son’s roommate,
a little boy who was also dying but without family support.
Not all mothers are exemplary. Sometimes, the bonding does not click
and mothering never takes hold. For the vast majority, however, becoming
a mother is natural and overwhelming. The task lasts forever. It is the
most important job you will ever do – and the best.
| A Matter of Health | |
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Mothers all |